Jenna Z Hermans Chaos to Calm Blog Asking for Help

Hi, Can You Help Me?

Why Asking for Help is a Win-Win.

Asking for help can feel hard. Really hard. Toughness, grit, productivity, and generally, “being SO busy” and “being able to handle it” are glorified in our society. 

It takes a lot of courage for us Type A go-getters to say, “This is outside my capability” or “I don’t want to spend my time on xyz” or “I need help.”

Asking for help does NOT mean you’re failing or doing a bad job or “aren’t enough,” even if other people seem to be able to handle more. BS! 

I’ve been reading “How We Show Up,” by Mia Birdsong, and I wanted to pass along a few key learnings I’ve gleaned that highlight why it’s not only beneficial but necessary to ask for help. 

How Asking for Help Benefits Others

By asking for help, we are taking part in a divine cycle of giving and receiving.”Amoretta Morris 

If you don’t ask for help when you need it, you’re blocking that flow and denying someone the honor of sharing their gifts and abilities. 

Think about how much you love to help your loved ones. How good it feels when you’ve shown up for them in a time of need. If you never ask for help, your loved ones and community never get the chance to feel that joy, and the giving cycle is interrupted. 

How Asking for Help Increases your Calm

Besides the fact that getting help decreases the sheer quantity of tasks on your plate, asking someone you trust for assistance gives you peace of mind the task will be done and will be done by someone who may have a stronger skill in that area than you have.

To know yourself and what your superpowers are versus other people’s superpowers is a great thing! 

I find my calm in being able to own and control my time and energy. Asking for help helps me be strategic about both. 

To know what time constraints you have and to delegate is empowering, and calm is achieved when you know things are being handled.

Asking for help can take many forms. It could be:

– asking a one-off or ongoing favor of someone (like carpool, or picking up something from grocery store)

– hiring someone to help fill in the gaps (like cleaning, or cooking, or gardening)

– asking your eldest to be in charge of walking the dog or folding the laundry

– asking your spouse for 15 minutes of quality time that night so you can catch up about your day, get help with a problem or vent about something that happened that day

– buying an app that will help make your life easier

3 reasons asking for help is the smartest thing to do

  1. By asking for help, you open up your time to focus on the things you 
    1. enjoy more, or 
    2. are better at, making the best use of your time and passion 
  2. By asking for help, you’re setting an example to others. 
  3. What’s the risk? What’s the worst thing that can happen if you ask? They could say no. Okay!

How to ask for help

To best increase the odds you’ll happily get the help you need, here are some tips when you ask.

  • Be transparent. Tell your potential helper why you need the help. “I feel so overwhelmed in my life right now since my dad went into the hospital.” 
  • Tell them what you need. “It would be so great if you could help me pick up the kids from school for a few days.” 
  • Tell them how it helps you. “It would allow me to be able to visit my dad after work which would be such a peace of mind for me and my family.”
  • Afterwards, show gratitude. Humans want to help other humans, this will fill up their cup!

What to do if YOU get asked for help 

Of course, with all the help I’m encouraging you to ask for, it makes sense you also need to give back into the generosity system. You need to participate in order to create “goodwill equity,” however you don’t need to say yes to every request.

If you get asked for help, pause for as long as needed and really evaluate if you have the energy and time to say yes. (See this blog post on how to say yes versus no). 

What has been weighing on your mind and body that you can ask for help on? Share in the comments below! 

For more tips on how to own your calm, sign up for the Chaos to Calm newsletter! 

Reach out, I’m here for you.

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